guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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