i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
