I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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