Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
