It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
