listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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