So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
