dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
