Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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