I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
