The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
