Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
