I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
