I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
