i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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