The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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