I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
