it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
