Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
