Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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