i think my tv is drunk
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
