So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
