happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
