the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
