If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
