White coat. Heels.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
