if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
