she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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