plz talk dirty to me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
