Who did Billy Mays play for?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
