I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
