He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
