so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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