The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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