Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
