Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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