if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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