well you can't waste a boner
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
