I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You took a bar mat shot.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Come share oat with me in your robe
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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