it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
