I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
