i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
