I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
