I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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