ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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