weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
