Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
