Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
What a dumb baby whore.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
