So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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