I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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